3 Levels of Trust

Trust is the byproduct of productive relationships. Trust doesn’t grow by asking for it to exists, or by directly “adding it” as an ingredient to a relationship. It takes a series of disciplines and interactions to cultivate trust, like a plant, over time. So although it is a byproduct that can’t be forced, all of us are in contexts where we need to gauge the various levels of trust around us, and cultivate more of it. So how do we do that well?

First, it can be helpful to know what level you are at in a given relationship. The three basic levels are as follows:
• 1️⃣ Facts - To be Learned
• 2️⃣ Opinions - To be Acknowledged
• 3️⃣ Feelings - To be Felt

You’ll notice this is the sequential flow of nearly every interaction with someone. You start by asking for name, occupation, basic personal information (facts). As the person opens up, and conversation ping-pongs around, people begin to share opinions. And finally if there is enough established connection people will let their guard down and share their feelings, or even seek you out directly to express them.

Use Questions!

The levels of trust are not just phases to observe, they also help you determine what questions you can ask to take people to the next level! Noting whatever the existing level is in a given relationship, ask questions targeting the next level.

• 0️⃣ → 1️⃣

  • Ask for their name and basic personal information.

• 1️⃣ → 2️⃣

  • Ask opinion based questions about the facts that you now know.

    • Ex: You like coffee. Which is your favorite café in the area?

• 2️⃣ → 3️⃣

  • Ask how they feel about particular events that are close to their context.

    • Ex: You just got a new job! What are you excited about, and what do you think will be challenging?

If trust is cultivated like a plant, then it’s going to take the repeated practice of pouring into relationships for trust to grow. Like a plant you can’t perpetually “water” with questions in a single instance. The analogy also works as it pertains to broken trust. Regular discipline cultivates a plant… but one critical incident, or a failure to water over time, can kill it.

3 Methods to Build Trust

Add these to your levels of questions and you’ll inevitably cultivate the trust you need!

1️⃣ Connect with People

Strike up conversation, ask sincere questions, create shared space. This will be the arena where you get to ask your various levels of questions, and if there is shared activity (work project, meal, outing), it helps bond people together.

2️⃣ Grant Favor

Intentionally inconvenience yourself to show the value of a given relationship. Going out of your way to support a teammate, grabbing coffee for a coworker, providing information regarding something someone else finds valuable, hosting a dinner to bless someone, etc.

3️⃣ Be Vulnerable

Create connection with others by leveling the playing-field. Own your mistakes, be personal in appropriate ways, show that you can laugh at yourself.

🌟 TOP PICKS

The content above is pulled from my time with an old Chick-fil-A leadership module. I don’t know how many materials were used, but Integrity was one of the foundational resources (to give credit where it is due). As I’ve taught the module over and over again, I constantly refer to the video below. A great resource for leaders and their teams…

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In all toil there is profit, but mere talk tends only to poverty - Proverbs 14:23